a busy season tribute

after a couple of hours of thinking, i will admit i have been remiss. sorely remiss.

i have not been able to catch up on a lot of my other responsibilities, i.e. friends, family, family, and family stuff i promised to help my friends on, time for my family and friends, sit down with dad and talk endlessly for hours on end about everything silly and serious. grab a cup of coffee with close friends, sit under the sun, shoot with my brothers and cheer on dad for having won that practical shooting 1st place award, window shopping and pasta-pizza pigging out with momi, read a book or even stay at home for tv flicks or a round of dvds. for all of them that i have been not doing alot lately, i am very, very, very sorry.

but just because i haven't had enough time on my hands doesn't necessarily mean that i am not at my wits ends trying to make time for all of the above. believe me, i am trying real hard. i don't sleep at times anymore just so i get everyone the quality time they so deserve. sometimes, i wish i had more than just a day in order to do everything i am supposed to do.

i'm not saying this just so dad, mom, friend/s would cut me some slack (though i do wish they would). i just hope they'd understand that i am going through a tough time right now and what i need from them is their support (ok, ok. and for them to cut me some slack and give me just a little bit more time). i'd like to think that i am a good friend, a loving ate and an obedient daugther. when i can, i do everything and i mean everything just to make sure my family and friend/s are happy. i am fiercely loyal, too. i'm not perfect, i make tons of mistakes but i know when to make up for those booboos.

so please, understanding is all i need.



yeah, understand yourself.

losing control

"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to loose control."

Brida
Paolo Coelho



awright!

a realization: what I want in a lover

and because i have nothing else to blog about these days, I will give in to this old, old, old blogosphere tagging game:

Instructions:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their respective sites anouncing that they've been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.

Eight??? Walo?? Awright…

I think I need someone who is male but is sort of attached to his feminine side. Someone who is comfortable expressing his deepest fears, hurts and anger and would not hesitate to cry in front of me. But not too feminine or else we might both be in an eternal squalor as to who gets to use the bathroom the longest. But seriously, I need someone who is secure with his sexuality.

As of the moment, the following are, I think, the characteristics I am looking for in someone I would want to spend eternity with. Hopefully.

“Bestfriend, pay attention okay =)”

One. I need someone who can give me real love. I need ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cannot-live-without-each-other love. I want text messages and calls in the middle of the night, I want kisses inside the car while stuck in traffic, I want jealousy, I want that intense, obsessive love.

Two. I want someone who, when he talks, exudes intelligence and humor. It is hard to find someone who can talk about politics and other serious stuff yet at the same time can make me laugh even at his most corny jokes. I want someone who I can discuss foreign policy with but who can also joke about how odd our president looks like in her clothes. I want someone who is educated but not conceited, serious but not stuck-up.

Three. He can do movie/dvd marathons. No need to elaborate this. I enjoy prolonged movie watching for hours and hours, nothing and nobody else can stop me while doing this and he should at least understand this habit. Better, he can join me.

Four. Someone who is willing to sacrifice time, is very patient and understands. I am fickle-minded. I cannot decide about stuff right away and I am a pessimist sometimes. Well, most of the time. And I need someone who can indulge my being fickle and pessimistic.

Five. He should be able to tolerate my laziness, or can laze around with me. Can stay at home for the whole weekend, I don’t like someone who easily gets bored at home.

Six. Someone taller than me by an inch or two and someone who is moreno. His eyes should speak. Not too buff or I will be forever jealous and insecure. Someone who does not fusses about clothes that much but he should know fashion. Someone who is not vain but takes extra care of his self.

Seven. Someone who likes to be pampered and wooed. I just found out that if I am in love (or what seems like it), I always make it a point to spoil that person. He should be able to take in my rather-weird moves. I do random stuffs that are overly romantic at times and I want him not to squirm in shock or humiliation but maybe smile or blush or I dunno.

Eight. Someone who knows how to love and care and appreciate me. I am easily pleased but I want someone who fusses over me. Someone who will call me nonstop if I cannot be found. Someone who showers me with affection that I can drown in it. I just want someone who will love me. Immensely.


Hmmmmmm, this is meant for my crazy, lunatic self Best, but I hope you get to read it =) Hahahahaha.

feeling gloomy

“The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”


The Devil and Miss Prym
Paulo Coelho

i just cant get this song out of my mind right now...

must be the lovely lyrics, keeping me inlove with love and the fast beat that keeps me alive and awke =)


Umbrella
Rihanna featuring Jay-Z

Jay-Z:
Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain I hydroplane into fame (Eh eh)
Come'n down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone
We Rocafella (Eh eh)
She fly higher than weather
And she rocks it better
You know me
An anticipation for precipitation
stacks chips for the rainy day (Eh eh)
Jay, rain man is back with lil Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

[VERSE 1]
You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

[VERSE 2]
These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity
Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart
Because ...

[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

[BRIDGE]
You can run into my Arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Yeah Read let's go look....
Because ...

Jay Read:
Yo my umbrella's up when the world is too much
We still ride for each other like Starsky & Hutch
The new school Jayson & Lyric and nothing comes near it
We close to Lorenze and Nia and its nothing really to it
We got Love Jones we could never be seperated
We always find our way home and never be decimated
I'm speaking from the heart we been the shyt from start
An we gone grind to the end to our life re-starts
Come back in another life
An see you in a different light
An if I'm Superman babygirl you know you kryptonite
My only weakness its hard to defeat this
An even when I'm losing it feels so goooood
I can't complain you everything I aint
An compliment each other from the root to the base
Sitting on the top is where we always wanna stay
It a take a meotor to break us and that'll be tha day

[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We'll shine Together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
You can always come into me
Come into me

it's not love if it does not hurt

you felt tightness in your chest, you couldn't breathe. it seems your heart breaks into pieces, nobody can bring it back to its original state. one moment, you want to scream and break whatever your hands can grasp. then it would be uncontrollable weariness, numbness that makes you just want to stare at the ceiling. afraid that one move could kill you instantly. the scene plays in your head over and over again like a broken record. asking yourself what you have done wrong to deserve this. then you would blame yourself, for being inadequate. you blame him for being so unfeeling. it's the blame game.

and you suddenly feel so tired, tired of thinking anything.

and cry until no more tears left. cry as if you have cried to last a lifetime.

now i understand why some people go crazy in love.

thank you for the pleasure of knowing you and the privilege of loving you

let us scream and shout to the world for our love is purer than their own thoughts. may our courage no longer blinded by our own faith.

from the time we took love into our own hands and rebel up against the whole world they plagued us with tormenting words that make us bleed in agonizing silence.

the world is against us. time is against us. but in furtive places we show our infinite touches towards our nakedness, which is bravely beautiful. what we have kept, what we have hidden and with all our lies, is ours to proclaim.

we have been separated by fate, divided by our own dreams.

please don’t lose hope for when the low tides will finally empties the ocean, we could walk towards each other in love…


happy valentines day bestfriend, i terribly miss you =(

and i just want to cry and scream until i can no longer feel loneliness

Dear Catherine,

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost. No bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left.

I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back. But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me.

You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now.

I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.

Always my love. G.


-Message in a Bottle

im dying

lets us ask ms. sadness why me?

help me beg mr. depression to let me go…

All Alone

There is a certain mystical feeling of being alone. That is not to say that being alone and being lonely are of the same branch. Loneliness is a state of feeling that can enfold you even when you are with a group; being alone is something more tangible, more concrete. It is just between you and your thoughts, you and your emotions, you and your conscience, if you believe in one.

However sociable you might be, you sometimes crave moments of solitude, when you could just simply read a book, watch a film, or listen to music. Or do something more profound, like rethink past actions and what consequences those would have been if you've chosen a different course of action; regroup your thoughts, or look forward to something you’ve been waiting for the whole time. Or just a simple "me" time would suffice, a breather for all the madness and crazy world you’re into.

But sometimes, being alone is something that you did not bargain for; it's just due to inescapable situations that you find yourself alone. This is where the conflict starts, and then you grow accustomed to the feeling it slowly becomes a routine. When these happen, you think that being alone is a curse, by which things in life that should be shared ought not to be done alone. It is something that you fear, your worst nightmare.

For these circumstances, you sometimes let the walls crumble and give in to the feeling. You cry, for it is the most reasonable thing to do. But after the breakdown comes the self-preservation. Pride can be a very good tool for these, for it lets you realize that self-pity and self-worth are like oil and water; not a very good combination for your ailing soul. So you try to stand up and fix whatever that scarred you. You may not be the same person as before, you try to rationalize that the damage was done to help you realize something; about yourself, about others, about Life. Then you go on, because you know the world won’t stop revolving just because of you are lonely and sad. And you feel good about everything again.

Yes, this might look like a vicious cycle of Life. But still you continue, because in the end, you know that being alone is just a phase – it will come but it will pass and it is just a state of mind. And you appreciate it all the same because you grow and become a stronger person.

thank you

i will never tire of saying this...THANK YOU for coming into my life!

i feel absolutely overwhelmed by the love and affections we have for each other, it has become my shield and armor for all the trials and bad things that are about to swallow me whole.

thank you so much for always making me laugh, for keeping me grounded, for encouraging me to be the best that I can be and for just being you.

Happy Monthsarry Mahal ko.


PS: Happy Hearts’ Month, wish you are here by my side