there are things, no matter how hard we try,
we just can't control.
like day and night,
like a handful of sand to fall from your grasp,
like the ending of a beautiful dream,
like tears to fall.
and i've come to realize,
today is the beginning of my demise.
im slowly dying inside and it hurts so bad.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
until it was over
after a battle with crippling depression, you realize two things:
first, it is best to let some things take its course to heal, because anything else -- like a false sense of finish, foolishly declaring to the world, "its okay, i am all right! i really don’t care" -- is denying how the heart and mind really heal;
and second, you find that life afterwards is still the same, with its disappointments and frustrations, criticisms and hard edges.
but you get to see clear sign posts now, which give you ample warning over the next bump in the road. (you also learn to avoid the cause of your worries, like the plague.)
oh, and one more thing: there's always someone in your life that made all the gloomy things bearable. someone who insisted to take part in all your pains and immaturities, someone who painstakingly listened to all your rants and someone who carefully made you see reason in the midst of your chaos. and for me, it was my anchor, my bestfriend. thank you =)
first, it is best to let some things take its course to heal, because anything else -- like a false sense of finish, foolishly declaring to the world, "its okay, i am all right! i really don’t care" -- is denying how the heart and mind really heal;
and second, you find that life afterwards is still the same, with its disappointments and frustrations, criticisms and hard edges.
but you get to see clear sign posts now, which give you ample warning over the next bump in the road. (you also learn to avoid the cause of your worries, like the plague.)
oh, and one more thing: there's always someone in your life that made all the gloomy things bearable. someone who insisted to take part in all your pains and immaturities, someone who painstakingly listened to all your rants and someone who carefully made you see reason in the midst of your chaos. and for me, it was my anchor, my bestfriend. thank you =)
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
random deadma(s)
why does one try to be perfect when he knew damn well that no one is?
why does one try to please everybody when he knew that it is impossible?
because its human nature to try and end up disappointed.
***************
let me de-pressurize! you do not have a right to say those bad things about me because you simply do not know me. i don’t mingle with you because i chose not to make fun and talk about other people behind their backs. i always kept to myself because i don’t have a business minding other people’s shortcomings and wrong doings. respecting other people’s privacy does not make me an anti-social. you haven’t tried approaching me and you never asked for an assistance, so i wonder, how was i unapproachable and inaccessible to you? aaaaaarg, deadma. bahala ka, i don’t have to explain my actions and my ways to you people. i am doing my work just fine and that’s it.
***************
sometimes im ok and sometimes im not. homesickness doesn't choose a time and place. it would just hit me like a lightning bolt. sometimes i just want to cry. i want to go home even for a while. just to see my family and hug daddygoon and momskymoo, be at my room, oblivious of the complicated things out there and to be just my lazy self.
***************
jams and i wouldn’t be attending the anniversary party on friday. i don’t want to be there witnessing my downfall and my failure. i promised myself that if i don't get promoted that night, i'll tender my resignation the following day, or maybe monday because the next day would be saturday. i really don't want to explain why. it would be better if others explain it for me.
but i badly want that promotion, not because i want to be recognized for my efforts but because of the better financial freedom it will bring me. i am so tired of not being able to do a lot of things because of financial constraints. good luck to all hopefuls and more to myself =(
***************
i am not in the mood for work today. i think that i am soooo lazy and uninspired. i need a break. another break? yes, please.
***************
im sad, i want to buy a running shoes. i have no budget.
***************
im glad! i bought my self a 40 Gigabytes USB for my enormous pictures, music, games and movie collections. and now i'm broke. another budget deficit.
***************
i had a long talk with jams over lunch and its sad to hear that i am still misunderstood by a lot of people. they think i am mataray, suplada and miss know-it-all. i have been very conscious of the manner i talk to people but it seems that even if i just keep quiet most of the time, i simply exude the image. haaay. i am not mataray and suplada, i may look serious most of the time, but really, im not. miss know it all? me? goddness. i may look intimidating sometimes because i try hard to muster some confidence each time im asked to explain something but i don’t pretend to know everything. i keep quiet and listen if i don’t know the topic or issue.
i know i should just ignore all the comments but i just can’t. i believe these are areas in my personality that needs improvement. but i am so damn frustrated right now. Grrrrrr.
see, how sensitive they can get? they, the bosses in my cluster, aka all the SAs and Managers.
***************
im wallowing in my miseries. i feel like the whole world is against me. whaaaaa! i hate it when im like this. ive been trying really hard to change my pessimist ways but old habits are to break, yaaaaaay.
***************
life is too short to make it dull and boring. so strive for the best to make it worth living dahil….
makulay ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay =)
why does one try to please everybody when he knew that it is impossible?
because its human nature to try and end up disappointed.
***************
let me de-pressurize! you do not have a right to say those bad things about me because you simply do not know me. i don’t mingle with you because i chose not to make fun and talk about other people behind their backs. i always kept to myself because i don’t have a business minding other people’s shortcomings and wrong doings. respecting other people’s privacy does not make me an anti-social. you haven’t tried approaching me and you never asked for an assistance, so i wonder, how was i unapproachable and inaccessible to you? aaaaaarg, deadma. bahala ka, i don’t have to explain my actions and my ways to you people. i am doing my work just fine and that’s it.
***************
sometimes im ok and sometimes im not. homesickness doesn't choose a time and place. it would just hit me like a lightning bolt. sometimes i just want to cry. i want to go home even for a while. just to see my family and hug daddygoon and momskymoo, be at my room, oblivious of the complicated things out there and to be just my lazy self.
***************
jams and i wouldn’t be attending the anniversary party on friday. i don’t want to be there witnessing my downfall and my failure. i promised myself that if i don't get promoted that night, i'll tender my resignation the following day, or maybe monday because the next day would be saturday. i really don't want to explain why. it would be better if others explain it for me.
but i badly want that promotion, not because i want to be recognized for my efforts but because of the better financial freedom it will bring me. i am so tired of not being able to do a lot of things because of financial constraints. good luck to all hopefuls and more to myself =(
***************
i am not in the mood for work today. i think that i am soooo lazy and uninspired. i need a break. another break? yes, please.
***************
im sad, i want to buy a running shoes. i have no budget.
***************
im glad! i bought my self a 40 Gigabytes USB for my enormous pictures, music, games and movie collections. and now i'm broke. another budget deficit.
***************
i had a long talk with jams over lunch and its sad to hear that i am still misunderstood by a lot of people. they think i am mataray, suplada and miss know-it-all. i have been very conscious of the manner i talk to people but it seems that even if i just keep quiet most of the time, i simply exude the image. haaay. i am not mataray and suplada, i may look serious most of the time, but really, im not. miss know it all? me? goddness. i may look intimidating sometimes because i try hard to muster some confidence each time im asked to explain something but i don’t pretend to know everything. i keep quiet and listen if i don’t know the topic or issue.
i know i should just ignore all the comments but i just can’t. i believe these are areas in my personality that needs improvement. but i am so damn frustrated right now. Grrrrrr.
see, how sensitive they can get? they, the bosses in my cluster, aka all the SAs and Managers.
***************
im wallowing in my miseries. i feel like the whole world is against me. whaaaaa! i hate it when im like this. ive been trying really hard to change my pessimist ways but old habits are to break, yaaaaaay.
***************
life is too short to make it dull and boring. so strive for the best to make it worth living dahil….
makulay ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay =)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
issue 101
public display of affection: how much is too much?
a public display of affection (PDA) can best be described as a show of affection between two people who care for or love each other in a public place. for example, holding hands, a hug, a small peck or kissing in public are commonly defined as public displays of affection.
an issue that haunts me since someone told me i’m so PDA. it must have stroke a cord in me for i have been really bothered. though, i wasn’t the least embarrassed or sorry to the world for being one but i’m most concerned for the other party involve. are you embarrassed Best? do you feel humiliated because other people are watching you show some affection?
these acts of human affection are, for me is just becoming true to myself. i am in love and i feel so blessed and thankful for having that someone in my life. and i believe that it is perfectly normal to express my appreciation of him openly. as far i know, i haven’t gone overboard or did what is not acceptable.
we all know what PDA is. we have all seen it. we have all done it: when we held an aunt’s hand in the supermarket; when, as children, we kissed each other goodbye in the middle of the street; when, as adolescents, we let our boyfriend (or girlfriend) hold our hands in the theatres; and when, as adults, we kiss our lovers before they ride a bus, a jeep or board a plane. We have all committed the act of PDA.
so how much is too much? according to my research, much depends on how we were raised, our cultural backgrounds and orientation. did we see our parents commit the act of PDA? these are all important in determining how much is too much when it comes to PDA. in the end, it seems the question of what is too much is better put another way. how much PDA do you tolerate? your tolerance level provides you with your own gauge of what is too much.
so the next time we are in a park, a bus, or in the theater and saw a couple doing the act of PDA, let’s see how long it takes for us to get uncomfortable. really, really uncomfortable. now we know how much is too much. at least in our eyes.
a public display of affection (PDA) can best be described as a show of affection between two people who care for or love each other in a public place. for example, holding hands, a hug, a small peck or kissing in public are commonly defined as public displays of affection.
an issue that haunts me since someone told me i’m so PDA. it must have stroke a cord in me for i have been really bothered. though, i wasn’t the least embarrassed or sorry to the world for being one but i’m most concerned for the other party involve. are you embarrassed Best? do you feel humiliated because other people are watching you show some affection?
these acts of human affection are, for me is just becoming true to myself. i am in love and i feel so blessed and thankful for having that someone in my life. and i believe that it is perfectly normal to express my appreciation of him openly. as far i know, i haven’t gone overboard or did what is not acceptable.
we all know what PDA is. we have all seen it. we have all done it: when we held an aunt’s hand in the supermarket; when, as children, we kissed each other goodbye in the middle of the street; when, as adolescents, we let our boyfriend (or girlfriend) hold our hands in the theatres; and when, as adults, we kiss our lovers before they ride a bus, a jeep or board a plane. We have all committed the act of PDA.
so how much is too much? according to my research, much depends on how we were raised, our cultural backgrounds and orientation. did we see our parents commit the act of PDA? these are all important in determining how much is too much when it comes to PDA. in the end, it seems the question of what is too much is better put another way. how much PDA do you tolerate? your tolerance level provides you with your own gauge of what is too much.
so the next time we are in a park, a bus, or in the theater and saw a couple doing the act of PDA, let’s see how long it takes for us to get uncomfortable. really, really uncomfortable. now we know how much is too much. at least in our eyes.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
the boy who stole my heart
It is still and will always be a wonder and a mystery to me our coming together. Every time I go back to our beginnings I find none. And it matters not. My love for you goes beyond any explanation or any story, it is like eternity that wipes away all sense of time, removing all memory of a nonexistent and an inauspicious beginning and all fear of an end.
I believe God made everything with a reason and I strongly believe that having you in my life was planned for a greater purpose. It has been a blessing for me to love you and to be a part of my life. There may be pains but I am willing to put up a war and fight for you because no matter what will happen to us in the future you will forever and always my Baby.
I love you Best and my heart is always with you. For the short time we have known each other, you’ve been the best part of my life for the man in you, makes the woman in me. You gave me love more than what I had ever expected and it truly amazes me that my heart is always outpouring with joy and gladness in loving you the same and more.
A day with you is like a fantasy in wonderland. It mentally refreshes my being, sooths my soul with calmness and inspires me big time. I strongly feel that no words can express how I truly feel when were together. If only, I could stop the moment each time were together, I definitely would. Thank you because you never fail to make me smile and make me laugh foolish with the simple things you do and say.
Though sometimes you annoy me and frustrate me, so bad that I just want to kick you in the ass with all my might. But to live a life without you would be like to die in pain and misery. And I just can't quite imagine going through with the rest of this lifetime without you around. There may be a lot of things that we still need to work out, but I wouldn't want to change anything just yet =)
It is my prayer to God to bless our coming together and to be always there for us to console our hearts and lead our minds towards a more inspiring and meaningful relationship.
Happy Birthday Best!
Hmm… as for my stolen heart, i won't take it back, you can keep it.
I believe God made everything with a reason and I strongly believe that having you in my life was planned for a greater purpose. It has been a blessing for me to love you and to be a part of my life. There may be pains but I am willing to put up a war and fight for you because no matter what will happen to us in the future you will forever and always my Baby.
I love you Best and my heart is always with you. For the short time we have known each other, you’ve been the best part of my life for the man in you, makes the woman in me. You gave me love more than what I had ever expected and it truly amazes me that my heart is always outpouring with joy and gladness in loving you the same and more.
A day with you is like a fantasy in wonderland. It mentally refreshes my being, sooths my soul with calmness and inspires me big time. I strongly feel that no words can express how I truly feel when were together. If only, I could stop the moment each time were together, I definitely would. Thank you because you never fail to make me smile and make me laugh foolish with the simple things you do and say.
Though sometimes you annoy me and frustrate me, so bad that I just want to kick you in the ass with all my might. But to live a life without you would be like to die in pain and misery. And I just can't quite imagine going through with the rest of this lifetime without you around. There may be a lot of things that we still need to work out, but I wouldn't want to change anything just yet =)
It is my prayer to God to bless our coming together and to be always there for us to console our hearts and lead our minds towards a more inspiring and meaningful relationship.
Happy Birthday Best!
Hmm… as for my stolen heart, i won't take it back, you can keep it.
Monday, July 02, 2007
today
i have never been so tense like this since the afternoon of the May 2005 when while waiting for the results of the CPA Board Exams. whew!!!
i feel like i am a new person. i think i have undergone a major rebirth of some sort. and i just hope i won't mess up this another chance--this new start given to me.
oh help me God, please.
i feel like i am a new person. i think i have undergone a major rebirth of some sort. and i just hope i won't mess up this another chance--this new start given to me.
oh help me God, please.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
coming soon: the bohol adventure
i know... i should have posted about our Bohol adventure days ago but im just not in the mood. there were so much to do and a lot of things to attend to =( yes, audit life is once again becoming so demanding. whew!
but nevertheless...watch out for it guys! its coming soon! =)
just to give you a glimpse:
exquisite =)
but nevertheless...watch out for it guys! its coming soon! =)
just to give you a glimpse:
exquisite =)
when i met you
There I was an empty piece of a shell,
Just mindin' my own world;
Without even knowin' what love and life were all about.
Then you came,
You brought me out of the shell;
You gave the world to me
And before I knew,
There I was so in love with you.
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
I love the touch of your hair
And when I look in your eyes
I just know, I know I'm on to something good
And I'm sure my love for you will endure
Your love will light up my world;
And take all my cares away with the aching part of me.
You taught me how to love,
You showed me how tomorrow and today
My life is diff'rent from the yesterday;
And you, you taught me how to love
And Babe I will always cherish you
Today, tomorrow and forever.
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
When I met you.
Happy Monthsarry, bestfriend =)
Just mindin' my own world;
Without even knowin' what love and life were all about.
Then you came,
You brought me out of the shell;
You gave the world to me
And before I knew,
There I was so in love with you.
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
I love the touch of your hair
And when I look in your eyes
I just know, I know I'm on to something good
And I'm sure my love for you will endure
Your love will light up my world;
And take all my cares away with the aching part of me.
You taught me how to love,
You showed me how tomorrow and today
My life is diff'rent from the yesterday;
And you, you taught me how to love
And Babe I will always cherish you
Today, tomorrow and forever.
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
When I met you.
Happy Monthsarry, bestfriend =)
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