...and worn out.
enough of this kind of life please...
Friday, April 25, 2008
things ive learned from my 2008 busy season
in this life, you have to learn how to be strong. amidst the chaos, you have to be calm. you have to learn how to choose your own battles and sometimes, too, how to choose your own poisons.
sometimes you have to learn how to postpone crying. in the midst of overwhelming heartache, you have to learn how to put on a poker face. you have to learn to accept that some things which you hold precious are mere playthings for others.
sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn the lesson. you have to learn how to put yourself on the other side just to see how things look where you are. or whether or not what you’re putting up with is worth the fight.
it’s a crazy world out there. and sometimes you, too, have to learn to take in all the madness and make it a part of you so as not to drown with the weight of your self-imposed ideals and principles. or a conscience that holds no ground.
sometimes the faith you have may only be a balloon on a string. a toy to appease the child within who’s frightened with things unfamiliar. because the world is strange. and can be hurtful sometimes.
sometimes the only voice you have to listen to is your own. sometimes you just have to laugh. and put on a little make-up and perfume and hold your head high and think that you’re the best that you can ever be. even when you know that you can never be good enough. because a pawn will always be a pawn even though she’s turned into a queen. a pawn is the first to be sacrificed. the first to be given up. sometimes leaving it all up to God is tantamount to giving up the fight. it’s a coward’s game.
sometimes you have to fight back even if it means losing, even if losing means death. sometimes one can only take so much without breaking down. and the best thing to do is plod on. and gather what is left of the self. even if nothing makes sense anymore. because the only way to deal with pain is to live through it. and to deal with it. because sometimes it may be the only thing that’s left. the only thing that’s keeping you alive....
sometimes you have to learn how to postpone crying. in the midst of overwhelming heartache, you have to learn how to put on a poker face. you have to learn to accept that some things which you hold precious are mere playthings for others.
sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn the lesson. you have to learn how to put yourself on the other side just to see how things look where you are. or whether or not what you’re putting up with is worth the fight.
it’s a crazy world out there. and sometimes you, too, have to learn to take in all the madness and make it a part of you so as not to drown with the weight of your self-imposed ideals and principles. or a conscience that holds no ground.
sometimes the faith you have may only be a balloon on a string. a toy to appease the child within who’s frightened with things unfamiliar. because the world is strange. and can be hurtful sometimes.
sometimes the only voice you have to listen to is your own. sometimes you just have to laugh. and put on a little make-up and perfume and hold your head high and think that you’re the best that you can ever be. even when you know that you can never be good enough. because a pawn will always be a pawn even though she’s turned into a queen. a pawn is the first to be sacrificed. the first to be given up. sometimes leaving it all up to God is tantamount to giving up the fight. it’s a coward’s game.
sometimes you have to fight back even if it means losing, even if losing means death. sometimes one can only take so much without breaking down. and the best thing to do is plod on. and gather what is left of the self. even if nothing makes sense anymore. because the only way to deal with pain is to live through it. and to deal with it. because sometimes it may be the only thing that’s left. the only thing that’s keeping you alive....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
foolish in love
here’s something worth sharing to people who are willing to take the risk of being foolish in love =) …excerpts from Paolo Coehlo’s Eleven Minutes, a book so full of emotions, leaving readers rich with insight, almost like embracing a treasure-trove. Maria, the heroine is an amazing woman….
"all my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. the person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels the freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly."
"and the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free."
"that is why regardless of what i might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense. i hope the time passes quickly, so that i can resume my search for myself-in the form of a person who understands me and does not make me suffer."
"but what am i saying? in love, no one can harm anyone else; we are responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel."
"it hurt when i lost each of the various persons i fell in love with.. now, though i am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone."
"that is the true experience of freedom; having the most important thing in the world without owning it."
"all my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. the person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels the freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly."
"and the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free."
"that is why regardless of what i might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense. i hope the time passes quickly, so that i can resume my search for myself-in the form of a person who understands me and does not make me suffer."
"but what am i saying? in love, no one can harm anyone else; we are responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel."
"it hurt when i lost each of the various persons i fell in love with.. now, though i am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone."
"that is the true experience of freedom; having the most important thing in the world without owning it."
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
tired, tired, tired
.
.
everyone experiences pain, weather physical or emotional.
everyone goes through phases of weakness, doubt and hopelessness.
everyone experiences sorrow and emptiness.
everyone feels alone sometimes.
everyone feels guilt, frustration, anger and fear.
...then again, we always have to remember that we can not remain stuck in this loop.
.
enough is enough, ayoko na. pagod na ako.
.
.
.
everyone experiences pain, weather physical or emotional.
everyone goes through phases of weakness, doubt and hopelessness.
everyone experiences sorrow and emptiness.
everyone feels alone sometimes.
everyone feels guilt, frustration, anger and fear.
...then again, we always have to remember that we can not remain stuck in this loop.
.
enough is enough, ayoko na. pagod na ako.
.
.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
from Calvin and Hobbes
"Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!"
Calvin
Saturday, April 05, 2008
to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me
amidst all the busy-ness and the harassment of the bossess... my heart aches and bleeds for You and YOU alone, Best...
im missing you bigtime.
i need you to hug me, please...
im missing you bigtime.
i need you to hug me, please...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
fear of the unknown
let me drown this crippling fear. im not alone, am i?
surely ive survived tougher ordeals. ive gone by on the wings of prayer. the lessons of yesterday will surely not prove to be for naught. i must have learned something for i can suppress this maddening impulse to lower than the usual panic levels.
i am here in this space for something. and always, every road taken should lead me to my destination. unknown though the paths may be.
look at your ancestors, miss, they are brave strong-willed people. conquerors in every way. and they labored and laughed through life. and emerged triumphant. surely their genes must have been passed on to you. ul be fine.
surely ive survived tougher ordeals. ive gone by on the wings of prayer. the lessons of yesterday will surely not prove to be for naught. i must have learned something for i can suppress this maddening impulse to lower than the usual panic levels.
i am here in this space for something. and always, every road taken should lead me to my destination. unknown though the paths may be.
look at your ancestors, miss, they are brave strong-willed people. conquerors in every way. and they labored and laughed through life. and emerged triumphant. surely their genes must have been passed on to you. ul be fine.
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