Friday, May 30, 2008
What is despair, except a quiet secret knowledge that you can do nothing. It is a relentless, unmoving flailing against an unforeseen enemy—yourself, deep in the paralysis that embraces you. You have no idea what keeps you here, in this wretched place of such common sadness, only that you know it is there, and you have no power over it. Despair is a name I give my demons: they sleep with me, and they wake me every single morning, and they embrace me, and in their depraved arms, I sleep like a baby lulled into sweet drowning.
Monday, May 19, 2008
14 Rules of the real world
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.
Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.
Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.
(www.albinoblacksheep.com)
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.
Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.
Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.
(www.albinoblacksheep.com)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
...
isang taon na mula noong nangyari ang mga nangyari
i have no regrets Best, i only have gratefulness for everything we have now
i should be writting something dramatic, sweet and happy...but i just can't
i feel too empty and lonely and tired.
pasensya na ha. an layo mo eh... i badly want to hug you =(
i have no regrets Best, i only have gratefulness for everything we have now
i should be writting something dramatic, sweet and happy...but i just can't
i feel too empty and lonely and tired.
pasensya na ha. an layo mo eh... i badly want to hug you =(
.
happy anniversary Mahal ko.
empty
literally.
couldn't write anything.
just plain -------
nothingness inside the brain.
great thought?
couldn't put in words.
like stagnating in the core of the earth.
hating it.
but couldn't budge from the spot.
trying to create.
but it all ends up ---
empty.
frustrating.
but still...
nothing happening
hollowness screaming from inside the chest---
hollow echoes of nothingness.
emptiness rooting deeply into the core.
sucking all the juices that would have helped out ...
to create..
to produce..
to make something out of nothing...
drinking up all that's left.
trying to get out of it.
yet, still can't get away.
it won't stop running down deep.
ruining.
ruining.
ruining what's left.
when will the race to the bottom end?
when there's nothing left?
nothing left
left to hold on to?
left to cling to?
don't slip away.
emptiness eating away everything.
eating away
till there's no more
till there's nothing left
till
even
emptiness
has
been
eaten
by
itself.empty.
couldn't write anything.
just plain -------
nothingness inside the brain.
great thought?
couldn't put in words.
like stagnating in the core of the earth.
hating it.
but couldn't budge from the spot.
trying to create.
but it all ends up ---
empty.
frustrating.
but still...
nothing happening
hollowness screaming from inside the chest---
hollow echoes of nothingness.
emptiness rooting deeply into the core.
sucking all the juices that would have helped out ...
to create..
to produce..
to make something out of nothing...
drinking up all that's left.
trying to get out of it.
yet, still can't get away.
it won't stop running down deep.
ruining.
ruining.
ruining what's left.
when will the race to the bottom end?
when there's nothing left?
nothing left
left to hold on to?
left to cling to?
don't slip away.
emptiness eating away everything.
eating away
till there's no more
till there's nothing left
till
even
emptiness
has
been
eaten
by
itself.empty.
Friday, April 25, 2008
things ive learned from my 2008 busy season
in this life, you have to learn how to be strong. amidst the chaos, you have to be calm. you have to learn how to choose your own battles and sometimes, too, how to choose your own poisons.
sometimes you have to learn how to postpone crying. in the midst of overwhelming heartache, you have to learn how to put on a poker face. you have to learn to accept that some things which you hold precious are mere playthings for others.
sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn the lesson. you have to learn how to put yourself on the other side just to see how things look where you are. or whether or not what you’re putting up with is worth the fight.
it’s a crazy world out there. and sometimes you, too, have to learn to take in all the madness and make it a part of you so as not to drown with the weight of your self-imposed ideals and principles. or a conscience that holds no ground.
sometimes the faith you have may only be a balloon on a string. a toy to appease the child within who’s frightened with things unfamiliar. because the world is strange. and can be hurtful sometimes.
sometimes the only voice you have to listen to is your own. sometimes you just have to laugh. and put on a little make-up and perfume and hold your head high and think that you’re the best that you can ever be. even when you know that you can never be good enough. because a pawn will always be a pawn even though she’s turned into a queen. a pawn is the first to be sacrificed. the first to be given up. sometimes leaving it all up to God is tantamount to giving up the fight. it’s a coward’s game.
sometimes you have to fight back even if it means losing, even if losing means death. sometimes one can only take so much without breaking down. and the best thing to do is plod on. and gather what is left of the self. even if nothing makes sense anymore. because the only way to deal with pain is to live through it. and to deal with it. because sometimes it may be the only thing that’s left. the only thing that’s keeping you alive....
sometimes you have to learn how to postpone crying. in the midst of overwhelming heartache, you have to learn how to put on a poker face. you have to learn to accept that some things which you hold precious are mere playthings for others.
sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn the lesson. you have to learn how to put yourself on the other side just to see how things look where you are. or whether or not what you’re putting up with is worth the fight.
it’s a crazy world out there. and sometimes you, too, have to learn to take in all the madness and make it a part of you so as not to drown with the weight of your self-imposed ideals and principles. or a conscience that holds no ground.
sometimes the faith you have may only be a balloon on a string. a toy to appease the child within who’s frightened with things unfamiliar. because the world is strange. and can be hurtful sometimes.
sometimes the only voice you have to listen to is your own. sometimes you just have to laugh. and put on a little make-up and perfume and hold your head high and think that you’re the best that you can ever be. even when you know that you can never be good enough. because a pawn will always be a pawn even though she’s turned into a queen. a pawn is the first to be sacrificed. the first to be given up. sometimes leaving it all up to God is tantamount to giving up the fight. it’s a coward’s game.
sometimes you have to fight back even if it means losing, even if losing means death. sometimes one can only take so much without breaking down. and the best thing to do is plod on. and gather what is left of the self. even if nothing makes sense anymore. because the only way to deal with pain is to live through it. and to deal with it. because sometimes it may be the only thing that’s left. the only thing that’s keeping you alive....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
foolish in love
here’s something worth sharing to people who are willing to take the risk of being foolish in love =) …excerpts from Paolo Coehlo’s Eleven Minutes, a book so full of emotions, leaving readers rich with insight, almost like embracing a treasure-trove. Maria, the heroine is an amazing woman….
"all my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. the person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels the freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly."
"and the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free."
"that is why regardless of what i might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense. i hope the time passes quickly, so that i can resume my search for myself-in the form of a person who understands me and does not make me suffer."
"but what am i saying? in love, no one can harm anyone else; we are responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel."
"it hurt when i lost each of the various persons i fell in love with.. now, though i am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone."
"that is the true experience of freedom; having the most important thing in the world without owning it."
"all my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. the person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels the freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly."
"and the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free."
"that is why regardless of what i might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense. i hope the time passes quickly, so that i can resume my search for myself-in the form of a person who understands me and does not make me suffer."
"but what am i saying? in love, no one can harm anyone else; we are responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel."
"it hurt when i lost each of the various persons i fell in love with.. now, though i am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone."
"that is the true experience of freedom; having the most important thing in the world without owning it."
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
tired, tired, tired
.
.
everyone experiences pain, weather physical or emotional.
everyone goes through phases of weakness, doubt and hopelessness.
everyone experiences sorrow and emptiness.
everyone feels alone sometimes.
everyone feels guilt, frustration, anger and fear.
...then again, we always have to remember that we can not remain stuck in this loop.
.
enough is enough, ayoko na. pagod na ako.
.
.
.
everyone experiences pain, weather physical or emotional.
everyone goes through phases of weakness, doubt and hopelessness.
everyone experiences sorrow and emptiness.
everyone feels alone sometimes.
everyone feels guilt, frustration, anger and fear.
...then again, we always have to remember that we can not remain stuck in this loop.
.
enough is enough, ayoko na. pagod na ako.
.
.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
from Calvin and Hobbes
"Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!"
Calvin
Saturday, April 05, 2008
to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me
amidst all the busy-ness and the harassment of the bossess... my heart aches and bleeds for You and YOU alone, Best...
im missing you bigtime.
i need you to hug me, please...
im missing you bigtime.
i need you to hug me, please...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
fear of the unknown
let me drown this crippling fear. im not alone, am i?
surely ive survived tougher ordeals. ive gone by on the wings of prayer. the lessons of yesterday will surely not prove to be for naught. i must have learned something for i can suppress this maddening impulse to lower than the usual panic levels.
i am here in this space for something. and always, every road taken should lead me to my destination. unknown though the paths may be.
look at your ancestors, miss, they are brave strong-willed people. conquerors in every way. and they labored and laughed through life. and emerged triumphant. surely their genes must have been passed on to you. ul be fine.
surely ive survived tougher ordeals. ive gone by on the wings of prayer. the lessons of yesterday will surely not prove to be for naught. i must have learned something for i can suppress this maddening impulse to lower than the usual panic levels.
i am here in this space for something. and always, every road taken should lead me to my destination. unknown though the paths may be.
look at your ancestors, miss, they are brave strong-willed people. conquerors in every way. and they labored and laughed through life. and emerged triumphant. surely their genes must have been passed on to you. ul be fine.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Christian Ways To Reduce Stress
An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus .."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus .."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
on tortures and sufferings
“Loneliness is the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings.”
.
.
Eleven Minutes
Paulo Coelho
Thursday, March 13, 2008
pangit, please come home
I miss you sooooo much Best I’m going crazy. Your voice over the phone a few minutes ago was all of comfort that I could snatch and own for the moment, but it also tells me there is this distance between us that teases and torments. You're there, and I'm here: a lesson in simple geography I do not want and refuse to believe in.
Mahal ko, I miss you soooo much its killing me softly. My bones miss you. My skin misses you. My coffee-drunk brain and my droopy eyes from all these hours of not sleeping miss you. In the middle of my panic -- when a few more instances of a busy, harried existence threaten to engulf my very sanity -- the part of me that is sane and functional aches from missing you. I miss you sooo much best. Come home. I miss you.
Mahal ko, I miss you soooo much its killing me softly. My bones miss you. My skin misses you. My coffee-drunk brain and my droopy eyes from all these hours of not sleeping miss you. In the middle of my panic -- when a few more instances of a busy, harried existence threaten to engulf my very sanity -- the part of me that is sane and functional aches from missing you. I miss you sooo much best. Come home. I miss you.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
a busy season tribute
after a couple of hours of thinking, i will admit i have been remiss. sorely remiss.
i have not been able to catch up on a lot of my other responsibilities, i.e. friends, family, family, and family stuff i promised to help my friends on, time for my family and friends, sit down with dad and talk endlessly for hours on end about everything silly and serious. grab a cup of coffee with close friends, sit under the sun, shoot with my brothers and cheer on dad for having won that practical shooting 1st place award, window shopping and pasta-pizza pigging out with momi, read a book or even stay at home for tv flicks or a round of dvds. for all of them that i have been not doing alot lately, i am very, very, very sorry.
but just because i haven't had enough time on my hands doesn't necessarily mean that i am not at my wits ends trying to make time for all of the above. believe me, i am trying real hard. i don't sleep at times anymore just so i get everyone the quality time they so deserve. sometimes, i wish i had more than just a day in order to do everything i am supposed to do.
i'm not saying this just so dad, mom, friend/s would cut me some slack (though i do wish they would). i just hope they'd understand that i am going through a tough time right now and what i need from them is their support (ok, ok. and for them to cut me some slack and give me just a little bit more time). i'd like to think that i am a good friend, a loving ate and an obedient daugther. when i can, i do everything and i mean everything just to make sure my family and friend/s are happy. i am fiercely loyal, too. i'm not perfect, i make tons of mistakes but i know when to make up for those booboos.
so please, understanding is all i need.
yeah, understand yourself.
i have not been able to catch up on a lot of my other responsibilities, i.e. friends, family, family, and family stuff i promised to help my friends on, time for my family and friends, sit down with dad and talk endlessly for hours on end about everything silly and serious. grab a cup of coffee with close friends, sit under the sun, shoot with my brothers and cheer on dad for having won that practical shooting 1st place award, window shopping and pasta-pizza pigging out with momi, read a book or even stay at home for tv flicks or a round of dvds. for all of them that i have been not doing alot lately, i am very, very, very sorry.
but just because i haven't had enough time on my hands doesn't necessarily mean that i am not at my wits ends trying to make time for all of the above. believe me, i am trying real hard. i don't sleep at times anymore just so i get everyone the quality time they so deserve. sometimes, i wish i had more than just a day in order to do everything i am supposed to do.
i'm not saying this just so dad, mom, friend/s would cut me some slack (though i do wish they would). i just hope they'd understand that i am going through a tough time right now and what i need from them is their support (ok, ok. and for them to cut me some slack and give me just a little bit more time). i'd like to think that i am a good friend, a loving ate and an obedient daugther. when i can, i do everything and i mean everything just to make sure my family and friend/s are happy. i am fiercely loyal, too. i'm not perfect, i make tons of mistakes but i know when to make up for those booboos.
so please, understanding is all i need.
yeah, understand yourself.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
losing control
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to loose control."
Brida
Paolo Coelho
awright!
Brida
Paolo Coelho
awright!
Friday, February 22, 2008
a realization: what I want in a lover
and because i have nothing else to blog about these days, I will give in to this old, old, old blogosphere tagging game:
Instructions:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their respective sites anouncing that they've been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.
Eight??? Walo?? Awright…
I think I need someone who is male but is sort of attached to his feminine side. Someone who is comfortable expressing his deepest fears, hurts and anger and would not hesitate to cry in front of me. But not too feminine or else we might both be in an eternal squalor as to who gets to use the bathroom the longest. But seriously, I need someone who is secure with his sexuality.
As of the moment, the following are, I think, the characteristics I am looking for in someone I would want to spend eternity with. Hopefully.
“Bestfriend, pay attention okay =)”
One. I need someone who can give me real love. I need ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cannot-live-without-each-other love. I want text messages and calls in the middle of the night, I want kisses inside the car while stuck in traffic, I want jealousy, I want that intense, obsessive love.
Two. I want someone who, when he talks, exudes intelligence and humor. It is hard to find someone who can talk about politics and other serious stuff yet at the same time can make me laugh even at his most corny jokes. I want someone who I can discuss foreign policy with but who can also joke about how odd our president looks like in her clothes. I want someone who is educated but not conceited, serious but not stuck-up.
Three. He can do movie/dvd marathons. No need to elaborate this. I enjoy prolonged movie watching for hours and hours, nothing and nobody else can stop me while doing this and he should at least understand this habit. Better, he can join me.
Four. Someone who is willing to sacrifice time, is very patient and understands. I am fickle-minded. I cannot decide about stuff right away and I am a pessimist sometimes. Well, most of the time. And I need someone who can indulge my being fickle and pessimistic.
Five. He should be able to tolerate my laziness, or can laze around with me. Can stay at home for the whole weekend, I don’t like someone who easily gets bored at home.
Six. Someone taller than me by an inch or two and someone who is moreno. His eyes should speak. Not too buff or I will be forever jealous and insecure. Someone who does not fusses about clothes that much but he should know fashion. Someone who is not vain but takes extra care of his self.
Seven. Someone who likes to be pampered and wooed. I just found out that if I am in love (or what seems like it), I always make it a point to spoil that person. He should be able to take in my rather-weird moves. I do random stuffs that are overly romantic at times and I want him not to squirm in shock or humiliation but maybe smile or blush or I dunno.
Eight. Someone who knows how to love and care and appreciate me. I am easily pleased but I want someone who fusses over me. Someone who will call me nonstop if I cannot be found. Someone who showers me with affection that I can drown in it. I just want someone who will love me. Immensely.
Hmmmmmm, this is meant for my crazy, lunatic self Best, but I hope you get to read it =) Hahahahaha.
Instructions:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their respective sites anouncing that they've been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.
Eight??? Walo?? Awright…
I think I need someone who is male but is sort of attached to his feminine side. Someone who is comfortable expressing his deepest fears, hurts and anger and would not hesitate to cry in front of me. But not too feminine or else we might both be in an eternal squalor as to who gets to use the bathroom the longest. But seriously, I need someone who is secure with his sexuality.
As of the moment, the following are, I think, the characteristics I am looking for in someone I would want to spend eternity with. Hopefully.
“Bestfriend, pay attention okay =)”
One. I need someone who can give me real love. I need ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cannot-live-without-each-other love. I want text messages and calls in the middle of the night, I want kisses inside the car while stuck in traffic, I want jealousy, I want that intense, obsessive love.
Two. I want someone who, when he talks, exudes intelligence and humor. It is hard to find someone who can talk about politics and other serious stuff yet at the same time can make me laugh even at his most corny jokes. I want someone who I can discuss foreign policy with but who can also joke about how odd our president looks like in her clothes. I want someone who is educated but not conceited, serious but not stuck-up.
Three. He can do movie/dvd marathons. No need to elaborate this. I enjoy prolonged movie watching for hours and hours, nothing and nobody else can stop me while doing this and he should at least understand this habit. Better, he can join me.
Four. Someone who is willing to sacrifice time, is very patient and understands. I am fickle-minded. I cannot decide about stuff right away and I am a pessimist sometimes. Well, most of the time. And I need someone who can indulge my being fickle and pessimistic.
Five. He should be able to tolerate my laziness, or can laze around with me. Can stay at home for the whole weekend, I don’t like someone who easily gets bored at home.
Six. Someone taller than me by an inch or two and someone who is moreno. His eyes should speak. Not too buff or I will be forever jealous and insecure. Someone who does not fusses about clothes that much but he should know fashion. Someone who is not vain but takes extra care of his self.
Seven. Someone who likes to be pampered and wooed. I just found out that if I am in love (or what seems like it), I always make it a point to spoil that person. He should be able to take in my rather-weird moves. I do random stuffs that are overly romantic at times and I want him not to squirm in shock or humiliation but maybe smile or blush or I dunno.
Eight. Someone who knows how to love and care and appreciate me. I am easily pleased but I want someone who fusses over me. Someone who will call me nonstop if I cannot be found. Someone who showers me with affection that I can drown in it. I just want someone who will love me. Immensely.
Hmmmmmm, this is meant for my crazy, lunatic self Best, but I hope you get to read it =) Hahahahaha.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
feeling gloomy
“The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
The Devil and Miss Prym
Paulo Coelho
The Devil and Miss Prym
Paulo Coelho
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
i just cant get this song out of my mind right now...
must be the lovely lyrics, keeping me inlove with love and the fast beat that keeps me alive and awke =)
Umbrella
Rihanna featuring Jay-Z
Jay-Z:
Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh
No clouds in my storms
Let it rain I hydroplane into fame (Eh eh)
Come'n down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone
We Rocafella (Eh eh)
She fly higher than weather
And she rocks it better
You know me
An anticipation for precipitation
stacks chips for the rainy day (Eh eh)
Jay, rain man is back with lil Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?
[VERSE 1]
You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because
[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
[VERSE 2]
These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity
Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart
Because ...
[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
[BRIDGE]
You can run into my Arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Yeah Read let's go look....
Because ...
Jay Read:
Yo my umbrella's up when the world is too much
We still ride for each other like Starsky & Hutch
The new school Jayson & Lyric and nothing comes near it
We close to Lorenze and Nia and its nothing really to it
We got Love Jones we could never be seperated
We always find our way home and never be decimated
I'm speaking from the heart we been the shyt from start
An we gone grind to the end to our life re-starts
Come back in another life
An see you in a different light
An if I'm Superman babygirl you know you kryptonite
My only weakness its hard to defeat this
An even when I'm losing it feels so goooood
I can't complain you everything I aint
An compliment each other from the root to the base
Sitting on the top is where we always wanna stay
It a take a meotor to break us and that'll be tha day
[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We'll shine Together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
You can always come into me
Come into me
it's not love if it does not hurt
you felt tightness in your chest, you couldn't breathe. it seems your heart breaks into pieces, nobody can bring it back to its original state. one moment, you want to scream and break whatever your hands can grasp. then it would be uncontrollable weariness, numbness that makes you just want to stare at the ceiling. afraid that one move could kill you instantly. the scene plays in your head over and over again like a broken record. asking yourself what you have done wrong to deserve this. then you would blame yourself, for being inadequate. you blame him for being so unfeeling. it's the blame game.
and you suddenly feel so tired, tired of thinking anything.
and cry until no more tears left. cry as if you have cried to last a lifetime.
now i understand why some people go crazy in love.
and you suddenly feel so tired, tired of thinking anything.
and cry until no more tears left. cry as if you have cried to last a lifetime.
now i understand why some people go crazy in love.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
thank you for the pleasure of knowing you and the privilege of loving you
let us scream and shout to the world for our love is purer than their own thoughts. may our courage no longer blinded by our own faith.
from the time we took love into our own hands and rebel up against the whole world they plagued us with tormenting words that make us bleed in agonizing silence.
the world is against us. time is against us. but in furtive places we show our infinite touches towards our nakedness, which is bravely beautiful. what we have kept, what we have hidden and with all our lies, is ours to proclaim.
we have been separated by fate, divided by our own dreams.
please don’t lose hope for when the low tides will finally empties the ocean, we could walk towards each other in love…
happy valentines day bestfriend, i terribly miss you =(
from the time we took love into our own hands and rebel up against the whole world they plagued us with tormenting words that make us bleed in agonizing silence.
the world is against us. time is against us. but in furtive places we show our infinite touches towards our nakedness, which is bravely beautiful. what we have kept, what we have hidden and with all our lies, is ours to proclaim.
we have been separated by fate, divided by our own dreams.
please don’t lose hope for when the low tides will finally empties the ocean, we could walk towards each other in love…
happy valentines day bestfriend, i terribly miss you =(
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
and i just want to cry and scream until i can no longer feel loneliness
Dear Catherine,
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost. No bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left.
I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back. But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now.
I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.
Always my love. G.
-Message in a Bottle
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost. No bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left.
I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back. But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now.
I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.
Always my love. G.
-Message in a Bottle
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
All Alone
There is a certain mystical feeling of being alone. That is not to say that being alone and being lonely are of the same branch. Loneliness is a state of feeling that can enfold you even when you are with a group; being alone is something more tangible, more concrete. It is just between you and your thoughts, you and your emotions, you and your conscience, if you believe in one.
However sociable you might be, you sometimes crave moments of solitude, when you could just simply read a book, watch a film, or listen to music. Or do something more profound, like rethink past actions and what consequences those would have been if you've chosen a different course of action; regroup your thoughts, or look forward to something you’ve been waiting for the whole time. Or just a simple "me" time would suffice, a breather for all the madness and crazy world you’re into.
But sometimes, being alone is something that you did not bargain for; it's just due to inescapable situations that you find yourself alone. This is where the conflict starts, and then you grow accustomed to the feeling it slowly becomes a routine. When these happen, you think that being alone is a curse, by which things in life that should be shared ought not to be done alone. It is something that you fear, your worst nightmare.
For these circumstances, you sometimes let the walls crumble and give in to the feeling. You cry, for it is the most reasonable thing to do. But after the breakdown comes the self-preservation. Pride can be a very good tool for these, for it lets you realize that self-pity and self-worth are like oil and water; not a very good combination for your ailing soul. So you try to stand up and fix whatever that scarred you. You may not be the same person as before, you try to rationalize that the damage was done to help you realize something; about yourself, about others, about Life. Then you go on, because you know the world won’t stop revolving just because of you are lonely and sad. And you feel good about everything again.
Yes, this might look like a vicious cycle of Life. But still you continue, because in the end, you know that being alone is just a phase – it will come but it will pass and it is just a state of mind. And you appreciate it all the same because you grow and become a stronger person.
However sociable you might be, you sometimes crave moments of solitude, when you could just simply read a book, watch a film, or listen to music. Or do something more profound, like rethink past actions and what consequences those would have been if you've chosen a different course of action; regroup your thoughts, or look forward to something you’ve been waiting for the whole time. Or just a simple "me" time would suffice, a breather for all the madness and crazy world you’re into.
But sometimes, being alone is something that you did not bargain for; it's just due to inescapable situations that you find yourself alone. This is where the conflict starts, and then you grow accustomed to the feeling it slowly becomes a routine. When these happen, you think that being alone is a curse, by which things in life that should be shared ought not to be done alone. It is something that you fear, your worst nightmare.
For these circumstances, you sometimes let the walls crumble and give in to the feeling. You cry, for it is the most reasonable thing to do. But after the breakdown comes the self-preservation. Pride can be a very good tool for these, for it lets you realize that self-pity and self-worth are like oil and water; not a very good combination for your ailing soul. So you try to stand up and fix whatever that scarred you. You may not be the same person as before, you try to rationalize that the damage was done to help you realize something; about yourself, about others, about Life. Then you go on, because you know the world won’t stop revolving just because of you are lonely and sad. And you feel good about everything again.
Yes, this might look like a vicious cycle of Life. But still you continue, because in the end, you know that being alone is just a phase – it will come but it will pass and it is just a state of mind. And you appreciate it all the same because you grow and become a stronger person.
Friday, February 01, 2008
thank you
i will never tire of saying this...THANK YOU for coming into my life!
i feel absolutely overwhelmed by the love and affections we have for each other, it has become my shield and armor for all the trials and bad things that are about to swallow me whole.
thank you so much for always making me laugh, for keeping me grounded, for encouraging me to be the best that I can be and for just being you.
Happy Monthsarry Mahal ko.
PS: Happy Hearts’ Month, wish you are here by my side
i feel absolutely overwhelmed by the love and affections we have for each other, it has become my shield and armor for all the trials and bad things that are about to swallow me whole.
thank you so much for always making me laugh, for keeping me grounded, for encouraging me to be the best that I can be and for just being you.
Happy Monthsarry Mahal ko.
PS: Happy Hearts’ Month, wish you are here by my side
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
awaiting in darkness
its payday today but i am not in the mood to celebrate.
im tense, so very, very tense. i have never been tensed like this, not since the day of the results of May 2005 CPA Board exams came out...
let it be a quick, painless judgement, please...
im tense, so very, very tense. i have never been tensed like this, not since the day of the results of May 2005 CPA Board exams came out...
let it be a quick, painless judgement, please...
Friday, January 25, 2008
one word survey
YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD!!!
Describe or write a name or word...
no explanations!
Yourself: restless
Your boyfriend: blessing
You mother: loving
Your father: funloving
Your hair: short
Your eyes: uneven
Your teeth: yellowish
Your favorite item in the whole world: books
Your favorite subject: english
Your favorite drink: water
Your feet: ugly
Last night's dream: none
Your car: none
Your ex: none
The room you are in: office
The sky outside: dark
You biggest fear: death
What you look for in a significant other: humor
What you are not: fake
What you want to be in 10 years: mom
One thing on your birthday list: vacation
Your mood: bored
Your pet peeve: kulit
Your phone: old
What you did last: kofibreak
Who you kissed last: bestfriend
Are you going to save this? yes
Describe or write a name or word...
no explanations!
Yourself: restless
Your boyfriend: blessing
You mother: loving
Your father: funloving
Your hair: short
Your eyes: uneven
Your teeth: yellowish
Your favorite item in the whole world: books
Your favorite subject: english
Your favorite drink: water
Your feet: ugly
Last night's dream: none
Your car: none
Your ex: none
The room you are in: office
The sky outside: dark
You biggest fear: death
What you look for in a significant other: humor
What you are not: fake
What you want to be in 10 years: mom
One thing on your birthday list: vacation
Your mood: bored
Your pet peeve: kulit
Your phone: old
What you did last: kofibreak
Who you kissed last: bestfriend
Are you going to save this? yes
Thursday, January 24, 2008
music i have right now...
How Did You Know
Gary Valenciano
I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
You had the most beautiful smile
My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine
How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much
I love you.
How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much
I love you.
and i qoute this...
He said:
"every time i hear this song or watch this video, makes me feel alive. every word from the lyrics remind us of how it all started. i hope we can make this as our theme song..we believe that we haven't met by chance, it was destiny with a purpose that brought us here. and we're getting stronger everyday. i love you my baby damulag, a love that i never imagined will go this far. thanks for loving me so much...."
She said:
im so surprised by the video and themessage best, it made my heart ache for you more. i miss you sooo much it made me cry. thank you so much for loving me the same best. everyday of my life i thank God for having having you in my life, you've touched and changed me, you've made me someone better because of your love best. you are truly a blessing in my life. it is my constant prayer that God will continue to bless and strengthen our coming together.
please always take care mahal ko. always remember that i love you so much ---- you are my life, you are my everything.
soon mahal ko, in His own right and perfect time, well see each other again....
Gary Valenciano
I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
You had the most beautiful smile
My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine
How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much
I love you.
How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much
I love you.
and i qoute this...
He said:
"every time i hear this song or watch this video, makes me feel alive. every word from the lyrics remind us of how it all started. i hope we can make this as our theme song..we believe that we haven't met by chance, it was destiny with a purpose that brought us here. and we're getting stronger everyday. i love you my baby damulag, a love that i never imagined will go this far. thanks for loving me so much...."
She said:
im so surprised by the video and themessage best, it made my heart ache for you more. i miss you sooo much it made me cry. thank you so much for loving me the same best. everyday of my life i thank God for having having you in my life, you've touched and changed me, you've made me someone better because of your love best. you are truly a blessing in my life. it is my constant prayer that God will continue to bless and strengthen our coming together.
please always take care mahal ko. always remember that i love you so much ---- you are my life, you are my everything.
soon mahal ko, in His own right and perfect time, well see each other again....
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