ang paka-bugha sa akong kasingkasing sa tadtaran sa gugmang giatay

yay.

what is our greatest fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


--- Marianne Williamson in "Return to Love"

love in the afternoon

It's the most uncanny thing. How you can pause in the middle of an afternoon, buried deep in work, and think out of the blue, I'm so in love with my bestfriend.

Because I am in love. And I am excited and giddy with the thought that I’m going to see him after work.

a love story

i watched the movie with J and enjoyed it very much. not because ang gwapo ni Aga, ang galing ni Maricel, sexy ni Angelica and ganda ng story but because kulit ng kasama ko – insist ng insist na kamukha nya si Aga, cge na pagbigyan na natin, walang kokontra =)

the movie is a mistress story -- what drives a man to look for someone else even if he already has everything? i guess it has always been a man's nature to seek a greener pasture in someone else's land and to want the best of both worlds. and what makes the other woman agree to the arrangement? i guess its because of LOVE, we all just want to love and be loved, whatever the cost may be.

Maricel, the other woman who Aga met after getting married to Angelica, is Aga’s true love. tipong love of epic proportions, intensity 10 earthquake generating love. si Angelica naman, two decades younger, yung totoong wife. happy nung start, naging rocky dahil career girl sya, lalong naging rocky dahil pumasok si Maricel, tapos nabuntis si Angelica, and after ng much hand-wringing (”pagod na pagod na ako mag-makaawa”) she got her happy ending.

so, eto, ang matagal ko nang gustong itanong:

kung isa lang pwede kong piliin, mas gusto ko ba ng deep and true na mala-signal number 10 ang intensity love pero at the end of the day hindi mapapasaakin. kumbaga, asa ka pa!!?

o mas gusto ko ba ng happy-ever-after with constancy and security and five-ten-fifteen year wedding anniversaries, pero lagi kang afraid kasi hindi ikaw ang once-in-a-lifetime love?

true love or happy endings?
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my own reflections:

true love, no questions asked. point is, meron bang truly happy ending if you’re not with your one true love? seems to me like i’ll forever be wondering, pining, hoping for a second chance, with my once-in-a-lifetime, and this will prevent me from completely accepting the relationship i’m in, and from being absolutely happy and content… there may be times when i could say, okay na to, masaya na rin ako, but i just know that there are moments when, in the midst of seeming perfection — with my current flame and our kids etc., — i’ll remember HIM, and then everything won’t be so perfect anymore…
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i’ve always been a hopeless romantic and a lunatic when it comes to loving. i don’t have enough experience on the matter but i strongly believe that if you’re with your one true love, happy endings follow. its automatic and no one can prevent it.

someday, when i get married, i pray that i will never have to share my husband's attention and love with another woman (or women!). i do not think i can carry on competing for attention everyday so that i will always be one step ahead of the other. i do not think i can stand feeling jealousy everyday and the pain of inadequacy - that i am not enough to make a person happy.

that’s why it is very important to be with somebody who loves you truly.

hay, i miss my bestfriend, thank you for all the love and attention.